tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post8049519276644082850..comments2024-02-25T19:54:19.848+11:00Comments on Fashion Hayley: Speaking Up Against Victim Blaming and Rape Culture Fashion Hayleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522752162663053784noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-69954344175283980572015-01-06T08:00:04.359+11:002015-01-06T08:00:04.359+11:00Hayley Hi swety I have just read your story darlin...Hayley Hi swety I have just read your story darling im sosososos sick to my stomach in what you have experienced over the years I cant imagine what you have been through in your life xxx you are a beautiful person and I love u sosososososos much always in My heart Hayley lots of love always Jan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-21563660521326575292014-10-25T11:52:07.060+11:002014-10-25T11:52:07.060+11:00Haley thank you for your post. I'm a long time...Haley thank you for your post. I'm a long time reader of your blog and it saddens me greatly to hear this. However I also recognize how important it is to speak up and talk about rape culture with women and men. Fortunately I have never been exposed to any kind of severe assault. <br /><br />I believe however that as a young woman I was conditioned to think and act passively by my exclusive all girls high school. They strongly discouraged any behavior that involved speaking out in a way that made someone else uncomfortable. However it is this very behavior that allows anyone to be able to say "no, that's not ok".<br /><br /> Assertiveness is a learned behavior. I am sad to say I did not discover it until my early 20s. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-4696237505342380252014-10-23T20:24:02.776+11:002014-10-23T20:24:02.776+11:00This is an amazing post Hayley. I'm so sorry t...This is an amazing post Hayley. I'm so sorry to read that all these terrible things happened to you, but you are incredibly courageous for speaking out and taking a stance against this totally unacceptable and disgraceful behaviour towards women. <br /><br />Thanks for writing this post, it is really important to talk about these things and get away from all the myths. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-82330520154819792352014-10-22T22:50:58.908+11:002014-10-22T22:50:58.908+11:00Oh my goodness you are so brave to write all of th...Oh my goodness you are so brave to write all of this out, well done! I'm sure that you are helping others to speak up by doing this. Well done. And I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this. <br /><br />I'm moving from London to Melbourne in a couple of months and now I'm feeling pretty nervous as it sounds like rape/ assault is an awful problem in Australia. I've never been through anything like this in London despite often wandering the streets alone and drunk at all sorts of hours! Sounds like I need to be a bit more careful in MelbourneAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-41010787924922309182014-10-22T10:30:53.332+11:002014-10-22T10:30:53.332+11:00Hayley -I have just read your blog - I had no idea...Hayley -I have just read your blog - I had no idea of any of this, as you know, writing this all down is one of the best things for you to do - for others as well as yourself. Speaking out, or writing, helps others who may have been abused in the same way, hopefully making them stronger.<br />The one important thing to remember is - none of this is YOUR fault, or your sisters, either. Men who do this sort of thing do not deserve to be called MEN - they are merely males. Love you both heaps. Hope to see you when we are in Melbourne. Julie Parkernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-64198501394443249092014-10-20T13:36:37.283+11:002014-10-20T13:36:37.283+11:00Hayley, I'm incredibly sorry you had to go thr...Hayley, I'm incredibly sorry you had to go through all these horrible experiences. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. Your story among others highlights the incredibly lenient punishment a lot of rapists or would-be attackers face because of this pervasive victim blaming culture in our society. Even the media will often focus on what the victim was wearing, why they were there or their state of intoxication instead of focusing on the fact that the rapists should not have attacked someone. I find we live in a culture that sympathises or excuses the perpetrator far often then it sympathises with the victim and this is perpetuated by this false 'rape myth' that most rapists are strangers. As highlighted by your own experiences, that is clearly not the case. And because so few people realise that most rapes occur from someone the victim trusts or loves, so few people are willing to believe the truth. Victim blaming is so entwined with our perceptions it's so frustrating when people don't know what it is, or are unwilling to acknowledge or recognise it as a real issue. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-58256591161849872892014-10-19T16:38:25.768+11:002014-10-19T16:38:25.768+11:00You are an amazing, incredibly brave Woman. Thank ...You are an amazing, incredibly brave Woman. Thank you for making such an important post <3Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-66403545581104498702014-10-18T19:58:14.589+11:002014-10-18T19:58:14.589+11:00You are courageous and need to thanked for that. I...You are courageous and need to thanked for that. I hope you find some peace with all that has happened.jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11000062075347416626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-38245837423197637062014-10-16T14:53:04.766+11:002014-10-16T14:53:04.766+11:00I'm so sorry these things happened to you. It&...I'm so sorry these things happened to you. It's so important and brave to share stories like this, to make it less of a taboo subject for everyone and make women feel less intimidated to speak out. I hope you find peace with this. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-46201525641940567862014-10-13T14:19:46.530+11:002014-10-13T14:19:46.530+11:00Hayley, Thank you so much for having the courage t...Hayley, Thank you so much for having the courage to write this. I cried when I read it. I admire your bravery, honesty and strength.<br />I've had experiences when guys have rubbed/ stroked/ hassled me on public transport, mainly on buses. <br />I now regret not reporting their behaviour, as it will continue if no-one complains. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-73704993885106725912014-10-13T09:16:22.075+11:002014-10-13T09:16:22.075+11:00Thank you for writing this. It's important we ...Thank you for writing this. It's important we share our stories and encourage each other to speak out when this happens! I've had many a few experiences where I've been called dramatic for yelling at guys for touching my ass or insisting on me to crawl over the top of them in an airplane seat. Support your sisters, don't judge or think they're overreacting! Astridhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10042739382810122732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-59289168496871918432014-10-12T08:18:08.763+11:002014-10-12T08:18:08.763+11:00
Thank you, Hayley. You are brave and I am sorry f...<br />Thank you, Hayley. You are brave and I am sorry for what was done to you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-37344582579318578802014-10-11T21:01:13.796+11:002014-10-11T21:01:13.796+11:00This is such a brave and important post. Thank you...This is such a brave and important post. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-11043412241723907192014-10-11T19:05:32.119+11:002014-10-11T19:05:32.119+11:00Sorry my comment is woefully inadequate, I wish I ...Sorry my comment is woefully inadequate, I wish I could write about this stuff with eloquence.Cate Lawrencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11068520532566968605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-30547055363291830872014-10-11T19:03:04.665+11:002014-10-11T19:03:04.665+11:00thank you so much for sharing your story and that ...thank you so much for sharing your story and that of your sister. Like another poster, I can't think of anyone women I know that it hasn't happened to. Yet we have a police system that still focuses on the actions of the victim and not the offender...Cate Lawrencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11068520532566968605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-38630654366678089672014-10-11T16:23:25.209+11:002014-10-11T16:23:25.209+11:00Thank you speaking up Hayley. It has helped restor...Thank you speaking up Hayley. It has helped restore my faith that people understand what it's like to be a victim but blamed for something you couldn't control. Day or night, drunk or not it is the rapists fault rapes happen never the victim. I never reported my assault because I knew I wouldn't be treated with respect or dignity. I'm so sorry for what happened to you and your sister but I'm so proud of you both for speaking up and not staying silent. You are a hero to me. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-53748239157179150412014-10-11T11:47:48.398+11:002014-10-11T11:47:48.398+11:00OMG Hayley I'm so sorry all this has happened ...OMG Hayley I'm so sorry all this has happened to you and your sister. It is disgusting that people feel like they have the right to just touch women in the street and they should all be prosecuted!!! I once overheard two older ladies telling off a teenage girl for wearing short shorts and tank top. They said to her "this is why girls get raped you know? for wearing things like this". I got so upset I shouted at them "back off! you're scaring her and honestly you are upsetting me too!" and asked the teenage girl to move towards the back with me. She was shaken by their words and I felt so bad for her. We are often told that women are to be blamed for wearing certain kind of clothes or for looking a certain way. I am sick of it! I'm sick of us having to justify the lack of control these perverts have!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00708114761401013973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-38368771965285185202014-10-11T06:10:45.654+11:002014-10-11T06:10:45.654+11:00Dear Hayley, you're so brave and I admire you ...Dear Hayley, you're so brave and I admire you so much. Your post has left me so angered and speechless! Australia is supposed to be a modern country and this is just crazy and wrong! <br />You're so strong, thank you so much for speaking so openly about it! Leahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06580794987499217838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-72689632592358804822014-10-10T23:44:09.497+11:002014-10-10T23:44:09.497+11:00Thank you so much for being brave enough to write ...Thank you so much for being brave enough to write this. As someone who lives in Melbourne, this is terrifying, and also hideously not surprising considering the amount of women I've met who have had similar things happen. The more women speak out, hopefully others will understand the full extent of victim blaming and how that has shaped our society. It's so frustrating and rage-inducing.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12580831979176872237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-27738353498106414102014-10-10T22:37:30.009+11:002014-10-10T22:37:30.009+11:00Amazing job Hayley, I'm lucky enough to have n...Amazing job Hayley, I'm lucky enough to have never been in these situations, but it is disgustingly common and these things need to be said until they are understood! As that recent survey on domestic violence/ rape, Australia is so far away from understanding all of this is not ok and the only one in the wrong is the perpetrator! Clarenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-24617974039193141572014-10-10T20:05:38.918+11:002014-10-10T20:05:38.918+11:00I don't know a single woman who has not been a...I don't know a single woman who has not been a victim of sexual assault. Not one. And that's not even counting incidents that we tend to brush off -- like guys who get too "enthusiastic" trying to chat you up at the pub or who hang around when you make it clear you don't like it or following you home (even if they don't touch you, it's an act of intimidation). <br /><br />I was sexually assaulted when I was 17 and reported it. I felt like no matter what, I had to make sure it was on his report because I knew he'd do it again. I lived in a small town and his brother was in my year at school. Him and his friends started bullying me because I was a slut and bitch for reporting his brother. Yeah, excuse me for ruining your brother's life by being somewhere he wanted to stick his dick!Kathrynhttp://kathrynohalloran.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-8686078767994370952014-10-10T19:26:28.276+11:002014-10-10T19:26:28.276+11:00Hayley, I admire you so much for sharing your stor...Hayley, I admire you so much for sharing your story. You are an amazing woman! This behaviour is not acceptable AT ALL and we should be looking at the perpetrators and not judging women on where they go or what they choose to wear xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-49945119747113117922014-10-10T19:01:20.631+11:002014-10-10T19:01:20.631+11:00Excellent post. The police in Vancouver, Canada, h...Excellent post. The police in Vancouver, Canada, have publicly told women not to go out without being chaperoned by a man in the evening. ???!!! Melaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06218727738029858422noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-56512185900849050262014-10-10T18:51:57.552+11:002014-10-10T18:51:57.552+11:00This is so important, Hayley. Thank you for your b...This is so important, Hayley. Thank you for your bravery and thank you for resilience. They can't and won't keep us down! Bellanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-472985277273339152.post-67361699134608920362014-10-10T16:20:15.207+11:002014-10-10T16:20:15.207+11:00Thank you so much for sharing your story Hayley. ...Thank you so much for sharing your story Hayley. It is so important that people are encouraged to speak up to change the culture. And I think it is so brave of you to use your story and the power of your blog to empower others to speak out too.<br /><br />I am a social worker now but I worked in the Queensland Police Department for ten years up to 2005 and I have some things to say that might help people reading this to report to the police in Queensland. When you go to report a sexual assault you ALWAYS ask to speak to a female police officer - that is in person or on the phone. If they are sending someone out to speak to you, insist assertively that they must send female police. This is within their policy to do and don't allow them to it differently just because they are the police. You just have to insist.<br /><br />If you report an incident you ALWAYS ask for the 'rego number' (registration number that uniquely identifies that officer - a name is never sufficient in the Qld police and they know it). Nothing is scarier to a Qld Police officer than being able to identify them later if they are being lazy and not taking a proper report. This is the most important thing to take control of an interaction with the Qld police at any time. So be ready to record that number when you ask.<br /><br />When you make a report, the next most important thing to know is a 'receipt' (to identify that you went and spoke to a police officer) or a 'report number' (this would not be given when the incident is first reported, but later when it has all been recorded on the computer systems.<br /><br />I don't know what the differences are from state to state but I believe the systems would not differ all that much. When you report you need to take your own records to identify the person you spoke to and that the incident report was taken. These two things are so important. <br /><br />Take care xxTheresa@PrincessEatsPeaSouphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08206672780130867332noreply@blogger.com